Ashita no Anime

Anime of Tomorrow

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure Ep. 1

The animation is so sloppy there aren’t even defined frames. Check out the afterimage on JoJo’s elbow.

Initial impression – crapola (1/10)

Autumn 2012 to winter 2013 (26 episodes) (Japanese title – JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken (2012)) (more info)

Most anime that I give my lowest possible rating usually earn it by being disturbing on some level, but JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure has earned my ire on merit alone.  If you wanted to make any kind of work of fiction as bad as possible, it would probably look something like this.  The visual design is flat and when it’s not chugging along at what feels like five frames per second, it’s just panning across still scenes that might was well have been lifted right from the pages of a manga for all the effort that went into them.  The palette makes Claymore look like a rainbow and the clothes and faces are ugly, misshapen caricatures of 1800s Europe.

Characters are completely unlikeable, being either total jerks or wimpy, gullible idiots.  And that’s when they actually have any characterization at all.  In the space of two minutes JoJo goes from a weak, sheltered rich kid protecting some random girl from bullies to the undisputed star of the boxing ring, who then not thirty seconds later gets dethroned by his childishly cruel adopted brother.  One would think that JoJo’s father would pick up on Dio’s stupidly transparent ploy to discredit his sloppy son if the old man didn’t have the completely clueless observational powers of a starfish.

Most bad writing has the problem of going too slow and dragging things out pointlessly to pad the length to the typically required twelve episodes, but JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure is exactly the opposite.  Transitions from one scene to the next happen as smoothly as a building demolition with absolutely no warning or lead in to the events that follow.  The pace of the story is so fast and glosses over so many important details that the first episode alone felt like the compressed summary of six episodes—the skeleton of a story without any flesh or skin—made even worse by this series’ unfathomable twenty-six episode run.  Lastly, there are the voices.  Talk about overacting.  I feel like I’ve stepped into the auditorium of a middle-school play where every kid, regardless of skill or will, has some obligatory stage time to appease their parents.

There’s just no excuse for anything being this awful.  Seriously, this is a level of excruciating terrible that makes me feel physically ill, because I have to admit that Milky Holmes actually compares favorably to JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure.  In a sickeningly ironic way, for what it’s worth, I find that the new depths this anime is digging to be somewhat impressive.  Just hurry up and die, JoJo.  The world would be better off if Dio mopped the floor with your sorry ass and put us all out of our misery.


3 responses to “JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure Ep. 1

  1. JoJo October 11, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    This review is horrible. You struggle to outline any solid reason why you did not like this series.

    • Marlin-sama October 11, 2012 at 3:16 pm

      I don’t think you even read my review. I said in no uncertain terms that the characters suck, the art sucks, the writing sucks and the acting sucks. There, four solid reasons why I don’t like this awful show. I’m ashamed to even call this garbage anime.

  2. Erich K. October 19, 2012 at 8:01 am

    Your review makes sense being a review of the first episode of the anime. However, on Facebook you wondered why people like Jojo and our mutual friend Brandon implied that the appeal of Jojo is in the manga. The main appeal for me, at my entry-level point in the series is the uniqueness of the art, and that it doesn’t look like a carbon copy clone of every other manga out there, except for a gut-reaction level similarity to Fist of the North Star, perhaps. Consider that it is a long series which the writer/artist, Hirohiko Araki, started when he was very young, and arguably immature as an artist. Looking at the images included with your review, it seems very much like a cheap studio used to making cookie-cutter anime versions of cookie cutter manga dropped the ball in adapting the unique look of the book. As Araki has continued to produce his manga year after year after year, his talents have grown. He must have been bearably good in the beginning to have lasted this long, but I daresay the initial appeal was the unique and compelling artistry, with his storytelling abilities eventually catching up. I haven’t seen the anime, but I doubt the story would have improved much. In adaptation as well as writing, there are choices to be made. It seems clear to me, even though I am admittedly under-informed, having not read much of the manga and have not seen the anime, that the producers of the anime either did not make the right choices or did not feel that they had the latitude to make better choices.

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